


Stucky Holiday Collection

by CreativeKoala



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas Party, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, New Year's Party, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Stucky - Freeform, Valentine's Day, allusions to crossdressing kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeKoala/pseuds/CreativeKoala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve discovers he has feelings for his best friend, Bucky, after a Christmas party, he tries to find out how Bucky feels through various holiday celebrations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Christmas kiss

**Author's Note:**

> The story will be updated on every major American holiday, so it will be slow updating. Also want to thank DragonsDawn for proof reading, helping fix it up and setting it up on here.

It was a typical Tony Stark party. Extremely unnecessary Christmas decorations. A huge tree with all kinds of ornaments that each Avenger picked. Needless to say it looked like a mess of different themes squeezed onto one small space. The music was loud and Steve didn’t know or hear half the people who talked with him but he smiled at their moving mouths regardless.  
  
One face in the crowd caused him to set his funny tasting eggnog down and slip by the people to get a closer look. Bucky donned a funny looking reindeer onesie with an antler headband and a big red ball stuck on the end of his nose. He looked miserable and slightly embarrassed.  
  
Bucky scowled at him and he crossed his arms, his lips almost pouted. “What are you grinning at?”  
  
“Natasha’s doing?” He stopped just a foot away and reached up to touch the red nose, which was surprisingly very soft. He didn’t want to tell his friend, but he looked oddly cute in the outfit that was snug on him in places and yet made his stomach look bulging and round.  
  
“Yeah. I’m Rudolph. In case you can’t tell with this ridicules thing on my face. She said you were gonna be Santa. I don’t see a jolly red fat man. Did she lie?” He was crankier than usual and it was a bit of a surprise to see him so snappy. But then, he didn’t like groups and they were surrounded by warm bodies.  
  
“I don’t know. I got a bit put off when I heard Tony say everyone was going to sit on my knee and ask for presents.” Bucky’s face changed from partly annoyed to really annoyed as he shifted his weight, arms still crossed. “You could have said no, you know. If you didn’t want to dress up,” Steve reminded.  
  
“I believe you were the one who said to get in the holiday spirit. I didn’t get anyone presents, I don’t really feel comfortable here and I’m not getting anything, which is fine, like I said, I didn’t get anyone anything—”  
  
“I got you something.” He bolted out quickly, not 100% realizing that it may have sounded desperate. He was Steve’s friend and he didn’t expect to get anything from anyone. That wasn’t the true meaning of Christmas anyway. It had changed so much since he celebrated it last.  
  
“You bastard,” Bucky mumbled as he looked to the side and tightened his locked arms. “I said I didn’t get anyone anything. That means you too.”  
  
“I don’t expect anything. Isn’t that the whole point in giving? To make people happy and not expect a reward?”  
  
The blue eyes looked at him with some annoyance before being replaced by a fond shine that would have melted any Grinch’s heart. Which made him wonder why Natasha didn’t put Bucky in a hairy green bodysuit with a matching beard. But _that_ was probably the reason. Not very attractive.  
  
Bucky finally opened his mouth to say something with a smile, but he closed it and shook his head with a happiness that reminded him of a purring cat. “You’re right. But people don’t think like that. What did you get me?”  
  
He inhaled before he grabbed the light brown, short furred arm and led him to the tree. Once they got there, the arm was yanked away and he quickly looked back at the tranquil face. “What?”  
  
“You are going to give me a present without wearing your costume? Go and put the suit on before you cause a world explosion.” He smiled, which he didn’t do often. Steve soaked it up. All the happiness that shined from him as he stood there in his onesie. His hands, which were covered by baggy gloves that had dark fingertips for hooves, were locked together at his big tummy. He titled his head to the side. “Well? Did I fall on deaf ears?”  
  
Steve quickly wiped the stupid grin he probably had before he looked at the stairs. “Right. That.” The thought of squeezing himself into a chubby suit for ‘realism’ wasn’t appealing. But it made Buck smile and that was enough to send him up the stairs to his room. The red and white costume was sprawled out on his bed and he got down to his underwear to make it comfortable.  
  
It was hot the second he put it on and once the beard and wig got on him, that was it. He wanted to rip it right off. But…It was for Bucky. Perhaps his embarrassment would ease with his big arrival. When he got downstairs, everyone noticed right away. They cheered at him as Tony clapped his hands drunkenly and motioned for him to come. In the crowd he saw the antlers bob around in the mess of hair. He would get to him when their drunk fun was over.  
  
“Who wants to sit on Santa’s lap first?” Tony chuckled, eating up the fact that he didn’t have to do it that year. Or any year since he probably just hired Happy to do it. Once he sat on a stool next to the tree, he saw Bucky off next to the tree with a smile that he bit back. Before he could motion the reindeer to come and be the first in his lap, a young blonde woman sat down.  
  
He paid enough attention to catch her name before he was distracted by his friend as Bucky hid behind the tree and proceed to pretend to eat the pine needles. He knew what he did, as he smiled when they made eye contact and gestured with his hand to look back at the girl. When Steve did, she waited patiently for something. “Right…” He only managed to say that before Clint, who wore a red and green costume and plastic pointy ears, picked up a box.  
  
“Tiffany. Right. Here you go.” The elf gave the box to her before he gave him a smile and helped get the people in a line. He wanted to thank him, but he’d wait till later. A couple glances to the side showed him that Bucky had left and perhaps joined in the line to sit on his lap. What happened was exactly what Steve was afraid would happen. He’d be forced to sit for an hour while people, most of them women, sat down and talked with him.  
  
Everyone seemed to like their presents, except for a dark haired girl with Jane who clearly said ‘what the hell is this?’ as she stared into her box. There was one present left and no one in line. He took it, read the tag ‘To Bucky from Steve’ and went to look for him. The after party started and he slipped by a lot of drunk people to the front door where he found the deer.  
  
“You didn’t get in line,” he joked as he offered the box to Bucky.  
  
“I figured you could use one less butt on your lap. That mine?” It was a medium sized box and he shook it with interest, listening for any sounds.  
  
Steve couldn’t help but smile, knowing it wasn’t going to make a sound. They both relaxed against the doorframe and chuckled at each other before a clothed metal finger poked at the cotton padding. “Open your present.”  
  
“Is it good? Will it expire if I don’t open it right now?” He tore at the paper, making sure to destroy everything before he tossed it and opened the box. He was unimpressed by the blue scarf, but Steve could tell he tried not to be obvious. “Thanks. Best Christmas gift ever.”  
  
“Well, aren’t you glad you didn’t get me anything?”  
  
“No.” His tone changed from cheerful to gloomy as he wrapped the new accessory around his neck. “I’ll make it up to you next year.”  
  
Those words alone sent the smile back to his face. Bucky planned to be there next year. That was all he wanted for Christmas. The certainty that his friend would stay the best he could. He didn’t dare tell him that was all he cared for. It would probably only make him feel trapped and flee. He wanted to make sure he stayed. “Yeah, I guess you should.”  
  
“Oh, I will. I’ll make this scarf look like a bad idea.” His serious tone vanished and his cat-like smile returned. “But really, thank you. It would have been more precious if you knitted it, you know.”  
  
“I don’t knit.”  
  
“It’s not that hard. Needle, yarn, needle, needle…Hand…gestures…” He moved his hands to try and imitate the work of knitting.  
  
“You’ve clearly never done it.” Chuckles slipped through his words as he leaned his head back against the wood and paused at the leaves and ribbons between them. That was… “Mistletoe.”  
  
Bucky looked up and nodded before he crossed his arms. “Yeah. But no one’s seen us. We can move before—”  
  
“You two are under the mistletoe.” The dark haired friend of Jane looked between them with a smile. “You have to kiss now. Go on, kiss him.” She clearly enjoyed herself too much.  
  
“I didn’t think it counted when it was two men.” Steve tried to get out of it, his heart quickened at the thought of it. It was silly, really.  
  
“Still counts.” She didn’t give up and she motioned for them to kiss, moving her hands up to mimic kissing with her fingertips. “Come on. Some people have a British guy to get under there.”  
  
Bucky watched him before he cupped the sides of his face and pulled Steve into a kiss. His heart stopped at impact as he closed his eyes to the warmth. His hands moved up to grab Bucky’s upper arms, but they stopped in midair as he tried to decide whether to pull back or move closer. Then the kiss broke and he slowly opened his eyes to Bucky’s face an inch away from his.  
  
“Can’t break tradition, Steve.” Then he smiled and pulled away, leaving Steve confused and wanting more. It was always apparent that he cared for him more than just a friend. But did enjoying a kiss cross that line? Certainly, but was he the only one who enjoyed it? Was he the only one confused as to why he liked the experience?  
  
Bucky slipped out to the hall before he could ask. But Steve wasn’t about to give up. Unfortunately the only thing he could get out of his mouth was, “Bucky!”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Steve.” He waved back at him before he vanished around a corner.  
  
What was he going to do now? If his friend was weirded out by it, would he tell him? His heart returned to a fast pace as he remembered the feel of the soft lips, the red nose poking into his cheek and the gentle hands that took hold of his head. He loved Bucky, he knew that. But…was it that kind of love?  
  
“You okay?” the women asked as she crossed her arms and watched him. He didn’t really want to talk about it with a stranger, so he just nodded. “Then can you move? No offense, Mr. Santa.”  
  
“None taken.” After he flashed her a hopefully encouraging smile, he pushed away from the frame and headed for the stairs. Everyone was drunk, happy and not in the state to notice his absence. He needed to think. Maybe figure out why he liked a kiss with his best friend.  
  
Maybe he was just lonely.  
  
Or maybe he was in love with him.  
  
Or maybe…


	2. How Not to Spend New Year's

It had been almost a week and Steve told himself that the kiss at the Christmas party was just that. A kiss. He would never risk losing his friendship with Bucky for anything. At work it was quiet. They didn’t have any problems with missions and it didn’t seem to bother Bucky at all. Maybe it shouldn’t of. It wasn’t like Steve was good with that kind of thing. He didn’t have a lot of experience. In the forties he had Peggy and since he woke up there were a few girls he had dinner with, but they didn’t get very far. The problem was, he wanted to get far with Bucky. He wanted more than a kiss and he knew it was wrong to, but he couldn’t help it now that he knew how they felt. He tried not to look unless Bucky was distracted.

But now it was New Year’s Eve and in his hand was an invite for him and Bucky to another one of Tony’s parties. It was known that people kissed when the ball dropped. That would be his big chance. All he had to do was get next to his friend and kiss him to see if there were feelings there on both sides. It felt a bit like a trick, but it was likely the only way to see without ruining his friendship forever. It was now or never. He walked to Bucky’s bedroom door and knocked quietly. He hadn’t seen him the last couple days and it worried him. Though nothing serious happened before hand to cause him to be angry at something. There were traces of him out of his room. When Steve returned from morning jogs he’d find dishes in the sink and an odd smell of lemon in the air. But now he’d get his roommate out and find out what was wrong. “Bucky?”

“What?” His voiced was muffled and far from the door. In bed, perhaps?

“We were invited to the New Year’s party.”

There was a long groan before bedsprings squeaked from what sounded like a body shifting on the mattress. “I’m not going to any more parties.”

“Was the last one too crowded?” The last thing he wanted to do was push or force him, but perhaps the reasons that kept him away could be easily fixed. “Maybe it isn’t too late to convince Tony to invite only the Avengers.”

“It isn’t about the amount of people.” 

Right, that was a little hard to believe. But he wasn’t about to force him. Surely there were other ways to find out if your best friend loved you romantically. Or maybe it was best to just drop it before anyone got hurt. What if he didn’t feel that way? Could he handle the rejection? Bucky wasn’t exactly the sensitive, let-you-down-gently type of guy he was seventy years ago. If he did anything to pressure him, he feared he’d run away and be a nightmare to track down again. “Alright, Bucky. We can stay home and watch the ball drop together.”

“Go to the party, Steve. Be with your friends. I don’t feel like watching TV.”

“Bucky? What is wrong?” He tried the door, but it was locked. That wasn’t uncommon. He locked it a lot since he moved in with him. When it wasn’t locked, he had a rifle next to the bed. Before he got an answer from Bucky the phone rang and he looked to see Natasha’s name flash on the screen. “Hang on, Buck.” He moved to the living room before he sat on the couch and answered the phone. “Yes?”

“Hey, Steve. Just checking to see if you were coming to the party.”

He glanced toward the hallway before he shook his head even though she couldn’t see it. “I don’t think so, Bucky doesn’t feel like going.”

“And that automatically means you can’t come.” She sounded matter-of-fact before she chuckled softly. “When are you two going to get matching towels?”

“It’s not like that.” Bucky wouldn’t want matching towels anyway, they would never be able to agree on a color. “I don’t want to leave him alone for New Year’s.” That was true. Even if he didn’t slip a kiss in, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy a party with a sulking Bucky back home. “Are you going?”

She laughed before the sound of a zipper came from her line. “Dancing, alcohol and one of my favorite boys nowhere to be seen? I don’t know, Cap. I have a few hours to think about it. Let me know if you change your mind though. I hear Sharon will be there.”

“Yeah?” He had a hunch why she brought her up and he didn’t really feel up to the whole dating idea. Sharon was a nice woman certainly and did seem to like him. But with everything happening after the Christmas party, he felt that was best left alone for now. “I find it hard to imagine she’d be interested in Stark’s parties.”

“Well, that’s why you show up and give her someone to talk to. You, after all, don’t have anyone that you’re dating.” He could almost hear her smiling on the other end.

“And maybe I don’t want to start now.” He wanted to keep his ‘Operation kiss Bucky’ from as many people’s ears and thoughts as possible. “This is my first New Year’s with Bucky, I want to spend it with him.”

“Yeah? How do you plan to spend it?” She sounded curious, but also had a hint of wanting to back him into a corner.

He didn’t have any plans, but he knew if he said that she would still try to convince him to go. “Make some baked beans and coffee. Maybe watch the ball drop.” If he could get Bucky out of his room…

She chuckled and the sound of her sitting on either a bed or chair followed. “Sounds romantic. You know you guys can do whatever you want. Just figured you’d want to spend it a little livelier. But quiet is nice.” There was a slight ruffle sound and then a soft laugh. “Just remember the New Year’s resolutions. Make sure you don’t push something important back.”

“I’ll remember. Happy New Year if I don’t see you later.” He waited for her to say her goodbyes before he returned the gestures and hung up. His eyes trailed to the hallway where Bucky’s bedroom door was. Well, he needed to get started on the food. Once he got it all ready and the beans started he heard the door to the bathroom close. He peeked out of the kitchen to see if Bucky had returned to the land of the living, but only saw an empty hall. Perhaps the smell of food would lure him out. As he stared at the beans in the bottom of the pot, his gut started to twist. How did he plan to kiss Bucky if they were the only ones around? It was a stupid idea altogether. Whatever he felt wasn’t worth the loss of his friend. If he was gone…

It wasn’t worth the outcome. Why did Bucky flee if he felt the same? It made him uncomfortable that was why. He wasn’t about to ruin their first New Year’s by kissing him.  
A door opened in the hall and he looked out just in time to see Bucky’s bedroom door close. Perhaps he needed help from someone outside. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and desperately typed his text. _Bucky isn’t talking to me. Don’t know why. Did something happen I missed?_

The text from Sam returned slower than he’d hoped. _I don’t know why you think I would know before you. When did it start?_

 _A couple days ago_. He leaned back against the counter and watched the three dots hop on the screen for a couple minutes.

_Okay…and nothing abnormal happened?_

_No_. He didn’t think anyway. He remembered the last he saw Bucky he was chugging a soda on the couch and watching some action flick. That wasn’t too strange. Though he did recall Bucky pushed him away into the arm of the couch with his foot. It was the Christmas party. It had to be. He typed quickly before Sam could send a response. _I think it was my fault._

It took a minute to appear, but the text finally came back with a simple what _did you do?_

He winced, knowing he had to tell his friend that he kissed Bucky under the mistletoe. But it wasn’t that strange. That one woman said it counted so… _I ended up getting under the mistletoe with him and we kissed. I tried to get out of it, but someone said it counted and then it just happened._

_Oh. That. Yeah, I don’t quite know about that, Cap._

He froze. ‘That?’ What did he mean? Did…did he know? _Why do you say that?_

_I saw the photo. He looked like he was pulling you into it. Something else is bothering him._

Oh God there was a photo. That dark haired girl must have taken it. Who all saw it? If Tony did, he’d never hear the end of it. Or the media. All he could do was run his hands down his face and imagine all the questions he’d have to answer. It didn’t bother him so much that they knew as much as it was private and none of their business. Okay, maybe it did bother him. But he’d worry about that later. Maybe Sam was right. Something else bothered Bucky. He’d give it one last try to get him to open up. He moved to the door and check the handle. It was locked. He knocked a couple times and asked softly, “Bucky?”

“Steve…You’re like a damn boomerang. What do you want?” Bucky sniffed behind the door. Was he crying? What did he do wrong?

He collapsed against the door and stared at it as he tried to imagine any hurtful words he may have said. “I’m making food. Want to come out and we can get ready for the New Year?”

“Not really. I’m staying in here where I can slowly die from life’s big ‘Screw you, puny human. Die in misery.’”

Well that wasn’t encouraging. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Just go to the party, Steve. I don’t really want company right now.” His voice became muffled at the end, like he shoved his face in the blankets or something. Steve knew it would only make things worse if he pushed. No matter how badly he wanted to rip the door off and find out what he did wrong to upset his friend. He’d have to settle for when Bucky was ready to talk. He wasn’t the same man he was back then. He had a lot of scars that got in the way of relationships. They both did. And more than anything, he just wanted to make sure Buck was happy.

He peeled away from the door. He glanced back but continued to the kitchen to finish up the dinner, that he guessed he was going to eat alone.

~*~*~

The party was a repeat of the last one, only with less Christmas and more Tony Stark. Steve walked about the crowd of people and tried to put names to faces. Thor was off toward the bar with his friend Erik Selvig and his girlfriend, Jane Foster. Clint glued himself to the upstairs balcony while Natasha was nowhere to be found. He smiled at Bruce, who wandered around the party as he did and looked uncomfortable. Tony was off being Tony somewhere. Steve honestly stopped paying attention after the man drank a bottle of wine. He heard Pepper ask around for him, so he would let her worry about him. In the meantime, he had other things that occupied his mind.

Why was Bucky so upset? He shut him out with no explanation and didn’t wish to explain. All he could think about was the fact that he did go to the party, though everything told him to stay. But he knew the outcome. He would have spent the night silently next to Bucky’s door and waited for him to finally open up to him. It wasn’t even about the kiss anymore. He just wanted Bucky back. At the table for breakfast or not having a door shut between them.

“Hey, you. Where’s your boyfriend?” A young voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked down to see the young dark haired girl from the Christmas party.

Well, it was at least someone who could give him answers. “Hey, uh…”

“Darcy.” She smiled and held her hand up to stop his introduction. “No need to tell me who you are. You’re Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America. Thor told Jane and Jane told me all about you. Plus I got your picture for Christmas.”

“Yeah, about that. Who all did you show?”

She laughed and it was the kind of laugh that was more embarrassment than something actually being funny. “Well, I was kind of half drunk, so I could have sent that to a guy in Hong Kong. Haven’t seen it in the papers. But who knows, your face could be on a paper in China. So where is your boyfriend?” She popped a cheese square in her mouth as she watched him with interest.

“He didn’t feel like coming—and he’s my best friend, not my boyfriend.”

“Yeah…like how you cleared that up first.” She looked off to the side before a man from that direction distracted her and sent her on her way. The sight of Sam at the other side of the bar from Thor caused Steve to go on his way as well. He stopped at his side with a smile before he realized he saw the picture from the party. In mid turn, he heard Sam’s voice call out to him. So he had no choice but to go and chance being teased by him and whoever his company was. Maria Hill. That wasn’t going to end well. Sharon was there too, just to make it more awkward.

“Hey, Cap. Glad to see you showed up. Bucky didn’t come?” Sam leaned on the bar and took a drink from a beer bottle. His voice was genuinely curious and he didn’t look ready to open up the can of mistletoe.

That caused him to relax a bit with a small smile. “Didn’t feel up to it.”

“Maybe next year.” Sharon gave a look of sympathy before she glanced at the dancefloor with some interest. Bucky used to love to dance. Now he barely saw him even twitch when music played. Maybe he’d get back into it once everything settled down. Sam nudged him and gave him a few glances toward Sharon before he picked up what he had in mind. He shook his head and leaned on the bar. 

“I don’t know how to dance,” he whispered to Sam and looked at the wood of the bar to pick at it. Sam shrugged before he offered and took Sharon out to dance. That left him alone with Maria, who with any luck didn’t know anything about the picture. “Seen Tony around?”

“I think I heard him say something to Friday about his suits thirty minutes ago. He’s probably going to renovate the place again. I’d personally get whatever food and drinks I could hold before splitting.” She took a drink from a martini glass and looked at him as she finished up the light green liquid. “Any reason Barnes couldn’t make it?”

He shook his head and took the bottle that was handed to him. He found himself only peeling at the label, his mind lost in thought as to what did bother Bucky. It was hard to enjoy a New Year when his best friend was back home all alone. But maybe that was what he wanted. Maybe he was so sick of people that even Steve’s company wasn’t wanted anymore. Normally it didn’t bother him. It was fine that Bucky needed time alone and he could grant him that wish. It was the fact that he shut him out for days. And what made it worse was that if _he_ didn’t know why, no one did. Every moment there only made him wish to return home. He spent holidays with all of them before. He wanted to share it all with Bucky this time. Teach him the new traditions he picked up. Then he remembered Maria asked him something and he took a drink from the bottle. “I don’t know why he didn’t want to come.”

“Maybe it has to do with the Christmas picture.”

Oh God, her too. “Who doesn’t know about that?”

“…Thor. He doesn’t know how to use a phone. It spread like wildfire between the Avengers. They all got a nice chuckle from it. I think someone photo shopped you guys in a tux and a wedding dress…” She flicked through her phone as if to find the picture in question.

He winced at the thought. He really didn’t want to imagine one of them in a wedding dress. “I don’t want to see it. It was just a kiss because we were under the mistletoe.”

“Then why are you so bothered by it? You aren’t the first to get an embarrassing picture taken of them. 90% of Tony’s aren’t flattering.” She held her phone out to show the picture. Bucky had his hands on either side of Steve’s face, their eyes closed and both looked like they enjoyed the embrace. So maybe it wasn’t the kiss that bothered him. But then what the hell was it? He’d get back home and see. Bucky would leave his room some time. Steve would catch him and try to find out what was wrong. Let him know he didn’t have to face his problems alone. Even if it was the kiss, he’d find some way to fix it. 

After he finished his beer he looked at the clock and saw that an hour was left before the New Year. He had plenty of time to get back. “I think I’ll take your advice and go before Tony gets a hold of me.” Last thing he wanted was _him_ to joke and poke fun about the whole thing. He just had a special way of jabbing the right spots to frustrate Steve. And he was particularly annoying drunk. He waved at Sam before he made his way to the door and got his jacket. There wasn’t anyone there that he wanted to chance kissing, so it was best to get out of there anyway. A quick jog back to the apartment building and he was back in the warm living room. The strange smell of lemon hit him as he walked to the kitchen. The leftover beans were all gone while the half washed container sat in the sink. He didn’t just miss him, did he?

He made his way through the dark hallway to Bucky’s door and stared at it before he rested against the wall next to it. There were thirty minutes left and if he spent it next to the door then so be it. Just knowing Bucky was beyond the door was good enough. His eyelids slowly relaxed and he listened to the quiet ruffle of blankets and the squeak of the bedsprings. There was a shuffle and then the door opened and the silhouette of Bucky stood in the doorway. His hand was up at his face while the metal one reached out and poked Steve. “What are you doing back?” He sounded almost congested and strange.

“Bucky?” Steve reached for the light switch and paused at the red, puffy eyes and the tissue pressed against Bucky’s nose. In just pajamas and misery. “This was why you were hiding from me?”

He groaned before he went back to his bed, leaving the door open. “I knew what you would do. You’d try to nurse me back to health and totally miss the party because of me, but you’re as stubborn as ever.” The mattress jiggled as he flopped down face first into the mess of covers. “And I didn’t want you to get sick trying to take care of me.” Bucky coughed and rubbed his neck with a groan.

“What the—Bucky, I was worried you were mad at me. That I did something wrong. You could have told me you were sick.” He walked to the side of the bed and looked at the tissues around the bed and on the floor as Bucky huffed and shifted. He wanted to throttle him for making him worry over nothing, but also enjoy the moment of being able to relax.

“I remembered you being sick. And always…” Bucky’s weight shifted as he propped himself up on his elbow and sniffed as he let out a deep breath. “…And always being afraid. I remember being terrified each time you got a fever and I didn’t want to chance it. I couldn’t put you at risk.” His voice was quiet as he stared down at the disturbed covers. He was worried about him? That was what it was all about? The gesture warmed his heart as he sat down on the edge of the bed and watched his friend, who kept his eyes down at the blankets. His Bucky was still there, even if he didn’t remember everything. _He_ was still in there. His feelings and concerns.

Steve smiled as he nestled down in the covers and rested his hands over his chest, eyes fixed on the dark ceiling. “I can’t get sick now. The serum. It prevents it.” He rolled on his side and stared at the puffy face that looked back at him. His smile faded at the misery on Bucky’s face and his watery eyes. Then he spoke quietly, “You took care of me all the time I was small. You never even hesitated when I let out even the slightest cough. Let me take care of you now?”

“I remember you also being a bitch to take care of. Always fought me.”

“Let’s not reenact that part.” Steve couldn’t help but smile at the grin his friend wore. He reached up and brushed back the brown hair that fell on Bucky’s face. The blue eyes watched him before they both moved to sit on their heels, Bucky taking a pillow from the foot of the bed to hug in his lap. The water only caused his eyes to shine as he sniffed and pulled a tissue from the box next to him. “Do you want any medicine to help?”

“I don’t want drugs. I’d rather just suffer.” His body shook at the cold and Steve moved quickly to bundle him up in the covers. Bucky just watched, thankfully content to go along. It was strangely nice to be the care taker. To be the one relied on. He wanted to cradle him and make him better right then but he’d have to just do the best he could at the moment. Once he settled him back in the bed, he picked up the scattered tissues and put them in the trash. His eyes paused at a container that said ‘disinfectant’ on it. Lemon scented. So that was what that was about.

“I can go out and get some chicken soup. It will make you feel better.”

Bucky shook his head and popped his head out of the cocoon of blankets to smile at him. “It’s almost midnight. You won’t have much luck finding a store that is open. Just come here and lay with me. You’ll be my chicken soup.”

“Okay…” Once he got his boots off and sat down next to him, Bucky latched to his side and snuggled his pink face into his chest, getting his wet nose all over his shirt as he closed his eyes and huffed into his pecs. His metal hand grabbed at the cloth over his stomach as his legs tangled with Steve’s. There were occasional noises of Bucky trying to clear his nose, but the rest was silent. His body was warm against Steve’s side, but trembled and shook randomly at times. Steve held him tightly to keep him still the best he could, his hand on his back as he rubbed it to sooth him. Then Bucky shifted and he looked up at him with half-open eyes and a small smile. “Did you really leave the party to come here and stand in the hallway?”

“I did.”

“Well…sorry that it’s crappy in comparison.”

He paused for a second, unsure whether to actually tell him the truth. That he only planned to spend it in the hall and that, sick or not, being near him was all he cared about. “With you it could never be crappy.”

“You’re gonna make me blush, Rogers.”

He looked down at the pink face snuggled into his chest and smiled at the almost cat-like expression. “Wouldn’t be able to tell.” His fingers wandered up to his hair as he brushed them through the thick brown locks, stroking his ear as he did so. 

A shaky breath heated his chest before Bucky propped himself up and looked down at him with a frown. “I can’t bring in the New Year with you snuggled up to me, getting my germs all over you. We have any alcohol?” Steve shook his head and Bucky frowned. “Well shit, that shot down my plan pretty quickly.”

“Next year. You should rest. I’m fine with this, trust me.” He pulled him back against his side and wrapped his arm around Bucky’s wide shoulders, his hand rested on the metal one.

Bucky let out a laugh before he nestled his head back against his chest and slung his arm over his stomach. “You’ll regret it when I drool all over you in the morning.”

Steve chuckled as he rested his free hand on his left arm and slid his fingers along the grooves and smooth metal. “Do your worst.” Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem since Bucky rarely opened his mouth while he slept, but since his nose was likely stuffed up, his jaw hung open as he took deep, uneven breaths. Their bodies almost felt right together, as if they were meant to be locked and tangled. He needed more time to see how Bucky felt. Perhaps let the moment take them, if they were meant to be it would come. Until then he would just be Bucky’s friend and who he needed him to be. It was about Bucky now and there was nothing going to take him from Steve. He needed him, just like he needed air. He would fight anything for him, even his own desire for more than friendship.

A small smile spread across his lips as the breathy snores filled the room with soft groans mixed in and occasional coughs. He planted a kiss in the dark hair before he closed his eyes and whispered to the air. “Happy New Year, Bucky.”


	3. Be my *not* secret Valentine's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is super late and the only reasonable excuse is that I was abducted by aliens and Earth was destroyed to make way for an intergalactic highway, but honestly life just happened and I'm sorry for the lateness.

Work was fine, it really was. But when he heard the mention of Valentine’s Day coming up, Steve instantly stiffened. The holiday for lovers. The day hadn’t even crossed his mind. He would normally forget it, but they advertised it right after Christmas, so it was hard to. With everything happening and his uncertainty of Bucky’s feelings, he didn’t pay any attention to the items for the holiday. Now when he went to get groceries he was assaulted with heart shaped anything and everything. Teddy bears with heart pillows, red balloons and flowers were all he could see in the store.

 

Today it was different. He wasn’t alone. Clint led him, Tony and Thor to the chocolate section and they all looked the long shelves over. It was missing a lot of items, probably because most people didn’t decide to wait until the day before to get something.

 

“I already got Pepper a diamond necklace.” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted his sunglasses down as his eyes drifted down the assorted chocolates. “If you are going to get something, you go big.”

 

“I already planned to have a dinner with Jane at some nearby restaurant she likes.” Thor smiled as he picked up a white teddy bear that held a bag of chocolate in its arms. “I don’t think she would care for the material things.”

 

“Nat and I are probably going to spend alone time.” Clint looked around them before he turned to Steve and the other two, his brows furrowed as he crossed his arms. “Why the hell are we here?”

 

Steve shook his head, content to keep his mouth shut. He hoped Tony would do the same, but that thought lasted about as long as the silence.

 

“Cap here needs love advice.” Tony patted his shoulder. His goatee looked to be the best thing to grab and rip off. “Old, you know. Doesn’t get modern women. Give us a small idea of what your lady in question is like.”

 

What would he say about Bucky? First that he wasn’t a she, but perhaps that wasn’t best to mention at the time. If nothing happened with him and Buck, he’d never hear the end of it from them – Clint and Tony. But growly and generally quiet around strangers didn’t really help them think of a gift. And he wasn’t about to throw away the hour he spent talking himself into the trip and gift giving just to back down now. “I don’t really know what to say. Kind, thoughtful, loyal. Isn’t really big on romantic things.”

 

“Flowers and chocolate then.” Clint started to grab a box of chocolate before he looked at him. “Is she the dark chocolate type of girl?”

 

He’d never seen Bucky with chocolate, but maybe he would like that. Perhaps it was best to go with the assorted. He couldn’t believe he was even in this situation. What he should have done was just forget about the holiday all together, but he wanted to do something special since Bucky wasn’t used to the century and everything was celebrated a lot differently. After he pointed to the other box, he took it and frowned at the price. Nine dollars. Prices for stuff were ridiculous, even if it was meant for wooing. “Flowers then?”

 

“You know what? Maybe you should be safe and buy her a little bit of everything.” Tony grinned slightly as he turned to him. “You know, jewelry, chocolate, sexy underwear, flowers, a stuffed bear and a card.”

 

“I’d have to get cheaper chocolates.” Steve held onto the red heart-shaped box as he narrowed his eyes at him. He didn’t want to go overboard and get things Bucky would never use.

 

Tony ignored him before he snatched a bear and led him down the aisle to the women’s lingerie section. “Trust me, it is always good to go all the way with gift-giving. If you want you can save some of it for a different special occasion. But you seem like a guy who doesn’t forget an anniversary. When did Bucky join the Avengers again?”

 

Steve’s face heated up when he saw Tony sort through very revealing ladies underwear. Small negligees with even smaller lacy underwear were all he saw before he turned his eyes to the floor. Trying harder than ever to **_not_** imagine Bucky in something like that.  Of course whenever he did, he imagined Bucky had breasts for some strange reason. And that was pretty weird. “I think that would make me look like a pervert. We aren’t dating.”

 

“There will come a time when you are dating.” Clint smiled as he looked at a red and black nightgown. If someone would even bother calling it that. “You have to be supper careful though, you don’t want to get the size wrong. Too small and she feels fat and too big and she thinks you think she’s fat. Either way, you are not seeing these bad boys on her.”

 

“I don’t know the right size.” Steve thought that would be enough to get them out of the area and on to the next place, but Tony just threw a large one at him and ushered him off before he could put the thing back. He couldn’t deny that the thought of Bucky in the soft negligee was strangely nice, but then the image of him holding it tightly in his metal hand as he stared at him with disapproving disgust wasn’t so appealing. He’d just hide it in his closet and return it later. Bucky never seemed to be that curious about things outside his own room. In fact, he could spread the thing on the couch and Bucky probably wouldn’t even blink. But no way in hell was he going to do that.

 

Tony stopped by a glass counter and motioned to all the earrings, necklaces and other pieces of jewelry that Bucky wouldn’t wear. Though he did find himself staring at a pair of sapphire star-shaped stud earrings. Bucky would never wear them, he didn’t even have pierced ears. But they were the most appealing thing there. The woman behind the counter smiled and told them the price. Tony paid for it and they were off. And something with the whole thing made Steve tense a little. Why was Tony – _Tony_  of all people – pushing him to buy things and paying for some of it? It was either 1: a prank of some sort, where he wanted him to admit that he didn’t actually have someone. Or 2: he knew it was Bucky.

 

The large negligee, the earrings, the chocolate, the teddy bear and now a bouquet of red roses handed to him and all paid for on the Stark credit card told him enough. He did know. Tony wanted him to give the stuff to Bucky. Probably rigged the apartment with cameras for whatever reason. Well, he was going to get a disappointing show. Once he got home, the things – besides the chocolates and flowers – were going in a box in his closest. Maybe if Steve knew for certain what Buck’s feelings were, he’d give him those items for a laugh. Old Bucky would chuckle at it all and call him a punk. But now…every action meant something to him. He didn’t understand jokes and pranks or even something that was done ‘just for fun.’

 

It was always fine for Bucky to do those things, but every kind gesture was met with caution since he moved in with Steve. There were moments when he’d see flashes of old Bucky. In a smile, in a glance or even in a laugh. But then there were times it almost felt like he stared at a stranger. Despite that, he wouldn’t give up. He was Bucky, no matter what and he couldn’t lose him again. Not for anything. He would rather be friends forever than to lose Bucky for a chance at romance. He never really did well in that department anyway.

 

They walked out of the store and everyone parted ways. The others remarked on their future night being ‘fantastic’ but Steve just looked down at the shopping bag and saw things to make it worse.  He looked back at the store, but instead of returning the items like his brain told him to, he just walked off to his motorcycle and drove back home. He’d take it back tomorrow. After he saw how the night went. When he opened the door, he expected to find it empty with Bucky locked in his room like usual. Instead he found his friend on the couch with his left arm and leg dangling off the side. An empty plate rested on his chest before blue eyes shot toward Steve and he sat up, making the plate slide to his stomach. For a moment Steve smiled, glad to see Bucky out and eating. His face had started to get some color and his clothes looked to have a little more effort put into them.

 

Then his smile faded. The blue eyes, beautiful and bright, stared right at the bag that dangled at Steve’s legs. Perhaps what really drew his attention was the small black strap that peeked out of the top. Bucky got up and set the plate on the coffee table. Steve fled.

 

He slid into his room and flopped against the door feeling his face burn. A thud and an ‘ow’ followed on the other side. Steve tossed the bag into the closet before he opened the door and looked at Bucky, who rubbed his nose in front of him. “What are you hiding? Your face isn’t usually that red. What was in the bag? It was something, Steve. So don’t tell me it was nothing.”

 

“It was a...surprise, of sorts. You have to wait until tomorrow.” He smiled at the scoff he got from Bucky before he followed him out to the living room. It was silent for a moment as they sat on the couch. Only occasional sirens interrupted the quiet before Bucky turned his body to Steve and narrowed his eyes, like something just occurred to him.

 

“Tomorrow is February 14th.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Valentine’s Day? The day for lovers? I’m pretty sure it isn’t normally celebrated by giving your roommate lady undergarments.”

 

What? How did he know that? Only the strap of the top. It could have been anything as far as he knew. But before he could say anything, Bucky started again. “You know, I may wear it just to punish you.” Buck’s eyebrow raised at his silence. “Or maybe the real punishment would be not to wear it.”

 

It got out of hand. He honestly couldn’t tell if Bucky liked the idea, was neutral to it or secretly thought he was some pervert. Steve shifted and looked at him as he crossed his legs to hide the slight bulge he got from imagining Bucky in that outfit again. “Who said they were for you?”

 

“Oh? Who are they for? If they aren’t for me you can bring them out and show me. I’ll size check it for you.”

 

“Holiday stuff stays in the closet until said holiday. Now, seeing that you already ate, I’m going to make a dinner for just one. Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?” Steve watched him shake his head before he got up and went into the kitchen slowly, still trying to recover from the hard-on he got earlier. Footsteps followed him and he tried to keep his back to the doorframe as much as possible as he looked through the fridge and freezer. There wasn’t a whole lot. Most of their food was gotten for a dinner a day, so he just ended up taking the container of left-over pasta and a fork.

 

“Steve, did you get me anything for Valentine’s day?” Bucky’s voice was quiet and sounded like it came from the doorway.

 

“If I did?” Even if he just ended up showing him the chocolate and flowers, he would still be caught. If Bucky didn’t feel same, he’d probably know after a simple answer. “I got you a couple things. I don’t have anyone else.”

 

A small laugh, one that shared some of old Bucky’s playfulness, followed. “Probably shouldn’t start with me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you’re _Captain America_ —”

 

“I’m not just Captain America.” Steve turned to the other man, who watched him calmly even though a small fire burned in the pit of Steve’s stomach. He tried hard not to show it. “I’m Steve Rogers. The stubborn man from Brooklyn you used to stop fights for and patch his bloody nose. The man you said you’d follow instead of him. Instead of Captain America.”

 

A small flicker of sadness showed on Bucky’s face before he leaned his forearm between the frame of the door and his chest. “I’m not that Bucky anymore, Steve.”

 

“I don’t care. No matter what, you will always be Bucky. And I need Bucky. I need _you_. You are just a different shade of him. This shouldn’t be about a silly holiday and how we celebrate it, what gifts we give. It should be about every day and the help we can give each other.”

 

He didn’t expect Bucky to do anything. Not smile or laugh or cry or agree. He tried to leave his expectations low or non-existent. But the response he did get was one he should have expected. Bucky smiled, his eyes shining from approaching tears as he bit his lip and nodded. He slipped out a quiet “Goodnight,” and disappeared into the next room. It was evening, but Steve didn’t bring that up to him. It was really just code for ‘I’m going into my room and not coming out until morning.’ And the pain in Steve’s heart was all too familiar, but he tried not to dwell on it. Instead he tried to make time in his schedule to return those presents. After his run seemed like the best time.

 

 **~**

 

Something smacked his face. Then again. Steve opened his eyes to find small light brown paper balls around his face. What the hell? He looked at the direction one fired from to see Bucky at the foot of the bed. First thing he noticed was his jaw moving, so his eyes looked for any food. Then he found it. The heart-shaped box of chocolates in Bucky’s right hand. His face was neutral and his messy brown hair rested well on his bare shoulders, like he just got out of bed. Steve sat up quickly when it occurred to him that the box wasn’t alone in the bag. The plastic bag was on the foot of the bed. Empty. The stuffed bear with a ‘be mine’ heart was tucked under the metal arm. The flowers were slightly wilted and held at his chest. The earrings and undergarments were the only things out of sight. “Did…Did you look in my closest?”

 

“I made you cookies. Don’t have anything else to get you. And I couldn’t help but remember you mentioned the things were in the closest, so I peeked and well…I think you got me more than a couple things, Steve.” At least Bucky didn’t seem to be upset with him. In fact he looked like he almost enjoyed himself. A small smile appearing now and then as he shifted the half empty chocolate box. “And then I saw this bad boy peeking out.” He pulled the bear from its metal trap to adjust its head. “Called him Stevie.”

 

“Ah. Never thought I’d have a bear named after me.”

 

“How vain of you to think just because his name is Stevie that he is named after you. Even though you are the only Steve I know. I just like the name, that’s all. Anyway, Stark called and said he needed you for something important. Want a chocolate?” Bucky held out the box with a small smile. When Steve reached up to take one unknowing of what it was, Bucky motioned to a light brown one toward the bottom. “Take that one, I don’t care for it.”

 

He obeyed as he kept his eyes on his friend to judge how he felt about the presents. The earrings and undergarments seemed to be the only thing he was going to take back, which was fine. The less the best, as least. More things that Bucky liked. He wasn’t about to get upset that Bucky snooped through his closest because he knew Bucky would just throw in the fact that he got those things for him. And then there was the whole conversation the night before. Bucky just left, yet now he stood there with a small smile as he chowed down assorted chocolates, unfazed from their talk. Like he brushed it off. Maybe that should have told him that the romance was one-sided.

 

Perhaps in the end it was best to do as he planned and stay just friends. What he lost with that was less than he’d lose if he pursued the chance of romance. After he threw off the covers, he got to his feet and looked at Bucky before he took the discarded bag. “Where are the other things?”

 

“Why do you care? There is no way any girl you know can wear the thing you got. Though the earrings are nice, I guess. Should have figured you’d get star-shaped ones,” Bucky joked, which seemed to be rare since he found him. “Anyway, your cookies are on the table. Don’t expect anything grand.” He walked out of the room with all the presents before the bedroom door closed. Okay, so Bucky took it all like a big joke, which was better than him taking it in a bad way.

 

How did you even interact with a man you want to be romantically involved with? Hell, he didn’t even know how to interact with a woman that way. But perhaps it was just something that took time. Once he got a change of clothes and took a shower he went into the kitchen to find the plate of chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies on the table. They were a bit crunchy, but not too bad. Though he knew he couldn’t fill up on that, so he took out the milk and a bowl from the cabinet.

 

Bucky came in later with a black t-shirt and faded jeans, his face clean and shaved, which was odd since he never seemed to put much effort into his appearance before. It showed a small sign that perhaps he was improving. “My cookies were good, I see.” He leaned against the counter and eyed the cereal Steve poured into the bowl. “Also see that you don’t rush to Stark’s aid. You two have an odd relationship.”

 

“Not really. We agree and disagree on things and don’t take the other’s side. When we leave politics and leadership out of the topic, it isn’t that bad. As for going to his aid, he is probably just preparing for the Valentine’s Day party tonight. Don’t see the point in helping arrangements for something I’m not even going to. I have other things to do.” Like having a nice and, hopefully, slightly romantic dinner with his friend.

 

“Why aren’t you going to go? What plans do you have for the day of amore?”

 

“Just stay home. Isn’t that what you will be doing?”

 

Bucky smiled and leaned back on his hands. “Actually, I heard there was an ice cream shop that gave half-price on special ice cream for lovers. Thought I’d get a partner in crime and get that. Then go to Stark’s party for some free food. While in my respective dark corner, of course.”

 

So he was going to end up at Stark’s party after all. Unless Bucky planned to take someone else as his fake date for discount ice cream. “Who did you plan to take?”

 

“Don’t know. Don’t want to ruin your plans of lazing about. Sam maybe? Or Natasha? Someone who I don’t have to worry about getting the wrong idea.” He smiled slightly before he pushed from the counter and moved to the fridge to get out a container that had been in there for a couple days. “But I guess if you are going to go out and get me nice chocolate and silky underwear, I should at least share an ice cream Sunday with you. Lunch good?”

 

His chest sunk as the air escaped in one long breath. He was going to be his date. That worked perfectly. But now he had to go to Tony’s party, meaning he’d have to go and help with the decorations. And he was going to ignore the underwear comment. “Yeah. Lunch sounds good.” The biggest reason he didn’t want to go was because of the whole shopping spree they had the other day. Everyone would know he got those things for Bucky and they’d all picture him in the revealing undergarment. He didn’t like the thought, even if they hated the image, though it would serve them right. Normally he wouldn’t blink about it, but with his already terrible romance skills, he didn’t really want to add in everyone else. Especially since he was trying to see how Bucky felt.

 

If Bucky were any other person he would just ask, but he didn’t want to give a reason for his friend to leave. And a one-sided romance was a pretty big reason. But perhaps openness was the best way to help with Bucky’s improvement. But the man who munched on cold left-over lasagna didn’t give a lot of encouragement.

 

All muscle and Steve was still the little awkward kid from Brooklyn. He let his feelings be known already, with his mention of needing Bucky and it wasn’t met with positivity. So, for now and perhaps forever, Steve would just be what Bucky needed. A friend. Once he finished his bowl, he set it in the sink before heading to the living room. “I suppose I better help Tony with his preparations.”

 

“I thought you weren’t going to bother if you weren’t going.”

 

“Well, if you’re going there isn’t a point in just staying home alone. Besides, you need some company in your respective dark corner.” A small smile spread across Steve’s lips as he looked back at his friend, who flashed him his almost cat-like smile before he turned his attention back to the container. It was a slow process, but his Bucky was coming back. He always saw it in his eyes, even when he was the Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes lived and now he slowly started to come back. Steve wasn’t alone any more and more importantly, Bucky was alive and with him. He would never let Hydra or anyone touch Buck again.

 

Once he got his shoes on he made his way down stairs to his motorcycle to get over to the Stark tower. The drive wasn’t long at least and he got up to the level Friday told him Tony was on. He was greeted with party decorations and Tony off to the side, drinking from a martini glass as he messed with his holograms. “Finally here? I called an hour ago. Did you give one of the Valentine’s gifts yet?”

 

“Well, they were all sort of discovered, so…Yes, I suppose. What did you call me for? The place seems set up.” Though it was a bit much. Leave it to Tony to go overboard.

 

Tony turned away from his work and took a drink nonchalantly as he shrugged. “Your date. I wanted to know if we were going to expect your Buckaroo at the party.”

 

“I suppose there is a reason ‘date’ and Bucky are connected? He’s just my friend. I had a feeling you got that idea in your head when you pushed all those Valentine’s presents on me.”

 

“Yeah, no, two guys don’t kiss each other under the mistletoe like that and not have uncontrollable super-sex later. Besides, I’ve seen the love-struck eyes you give him. Plus the fact you moved from the Avenger headquarters to rent an apartment because Bucky didn’t feel ready to live with a lot of people. He may be ‘just a friend’ now, but you want to cook him breakfast in just an apron. You sure you want to stick with the ‘just friends’ thing?” He set his empty glass down before he moved through the room, waving his hand for Steve to follow. He did, even though he knew it was mostly just going to be things he didn’t want to hear. Likely things along the lines of ‘have you picked out curtains yet?’ Surprisingly Tony didn’t bring that up. “After what, seventy years in ice? You’d think you wouldn’t want to blow through your life and play the waiting game. Because that’s what you’re doing, right? Waiting? For something, which is probably not the best thing for a man in your position who could die any day.”

 

“Bucky’s been through a lot and he’s still recovering. I don’t really think a romantic relationship is what he needs right now. He needs someone he can turn to no matter what.” It would have been nice, but Bucky always acted different with romantic interests than he did with friends. He never showed his darker colors to them. He didn’t want to always wonder if Bucky hid his problems from him.

 

“Well, holding a secret about your feelings isn’t what he needs either. Come to the party and let the mood let things happen. You might end up getting to know him on a more intimate level. If you haven’t already.”

 

Steve just raised his eyebrow and let Tony take it as he wanted. He took it the wrong way, like he figured he would. He scrunched his face a little before he turned to the bar. “Guess it isn’t surprising that two men who obviously want to go a round would have by now. The party starts at seven. Skip dinner, because there will be food. Are you bringing a date?”

 

“I’m bringing Bucky.”

 

“So…yes.” Tony checked a few bottles on the bar before he turned to him, his eyes distracted by something behind Steve before they looked at his face. “I think Romanoff said something about having Barton dress up like cupid, so be prepared for him to be half-naked.”

 

“I’ll brace myself. Can’t imagine Barton in a toga.” As long as he wasn’t put in the ridicules costume, he didn’t care too much. Had enough of that in the 40s. Though Natasha’s costumes seemed to be out of good humor and never meant to humiliate them. Even still, Steve was trying to get used to the life in that time. It really was different than when he was younger. A lot of things changed. Some of it for the better, while some things got worse. “Well, if you don’t need me for anything, I should get back. Have a plate of crispy cookies waiting for me.”

 

**~** 

 

The ‘special’ ice cream – which was basically strawberry and chocolate with a lot of fudge and whip cream topped with two cherries, both of which Bucky ate – wasn’t very filling. Mostly because Bucky ate more than his share of it.  It was good to see him eat more, though he could have at least shared half. “You sure you want to go to Tony’s party? I don’t even want to know what he does for Valentine’s Day.” Besides heavy drinking.

 

“I’m sure, Steve. Gosh, are you hoping to get me alone or something? Because I’m not wearing that underwear you got me.”

 

“Can we drop the underwear? I told you three times that it was Tony’s idea.” The last thing he wanted was to imagine his best friend in that getup while in a crowded room.

 

Bucky smiled, flashing him that cat like grin as he approached the door to Stark Tower. “Yes, Steve, he twisted your arm until you bought it.”

 

“Hey, look he bought it with his own money. And I’m taking it back tomorrow.” It was bad enough that he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it from everyone else, because why would Tony keep it to himself? He really didn’t want to hear Bucky tease him about it.

 

Then a mocking gasp came from his friend as he pushed the elevator button. “You gave me that. It’s my job to return unwanted gifts. Let’s forget about presents we got or didn’t get and just stuff ourselves with whatever food is up there.” Bucky smiled at him, which was something he hadn’t done much of since New Year’s. At least he was getting some enjoyment from his ridiculous gifts. Steve pushed the top floor button and watched as his friend rocked on his heels and eyed the light that indicated what level they were on. “I am glad you came, you know. I like having you around.”

 

Steve fought a smile, but he knew he failed before he turned more to Bucky. “Well, I’m glad. I don’t really plan on going anywhere.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I don’t know if I could get rid of you even if I wanted to.” His playful smile stayed until the doors opened and showed them a dimly lit room with loud music and everyone dancing to the unintelligible song. Bucky led him inside before they made their way to food. It all seemed to be in a red and pink theme. Cake, chocolate covered strawberries and heart shaped cookies were all over the table before Bucky picked up a plate of spaghetti with a raised eyebrow. “How is this romantic?”

 

 “I think it was from some movie with dogs.” The face that Bucky gave him told him he wasn’t all that impressed with the answer, but got a plate of it regardless. Once the dish was covered in mounted up food, the two took their places in the chosen dark corner and watched as everyone laughed and talked in groups. Most of the people Steve didn’t know personally, but Tony always did have a lot friends. Bucky looked comfortable in his area, munching down spaghetti and chocolate cake. There was pink icing on the corner of his mouth as he continued to scarf it down like he would be in trouble if caught. “Hungry? You ate most of the ice cream.”

 

“You hardly ate any of it, I thought it was okay if I did. This stuff is good. You didn’t want any?” His blue eyes looked down at Steve’s empty hands before they shot back to his face as he inserted a strawberry into his mouth.

 

“I thought with the tower you took, we were sharing.”

 

A sigh followed from the frosting covered lips before the gloved hand thrusted a heart cookie at him. “Aright, have this then.”

 

“So generous,” Steve joked as he took it, his eyes searching his friend’s face for any clues on how he felt. His protruding cheeks and narrowed eyes told him he wasn’t grateful enough for the offering. Apparently. “Thank you.”

 

The music calmed and he guessed that Pepper or Natasha had something to do with it when Tony was spotted later looking around in confusion. At least the words were understandable, but he never heard of the song before so the name was unknown. It was obviously a love song and he almost felt it was targeted at him and Bucky as he watched his friend munch on his cake and eye other people dance. The plate was almost empty, so it was pretty clear he was only getting the cookie. He’d just get food later. At the moment, he just wanted to enjoy the man next to him.

 

“Do you still not know how to dance?” Bucky’s voice was only loud enough for him to hear him over the booming music.

 

“Dance?” The thought of trying to copy the standing seizures that the people were doing was not appealing. And he didn’t want to be pushed to ask one of the girls to dance. Last thing he wanted was to show everyone he couldn’t dance when they haven’t gotten passed him having feelings for Bucky. But since Tony was the only one who didn’t let it die, it was perhaps safe to assume it was forgotten. “I haven’t danced with anyone.”

 

“So, no. What about Sharon? She seems nice. Why didn’t you get her a Valentine’s gift?” The plate finally emptied as the blue eyes kept their gaze on him, the last of the cake vanishing in his mouth.

 

Sharon was nice and he did enjoy having her as his neighbor. But she didn’t really fix his problem of life experience. She knew Peggy and learned a bit about him through her, but she didn’t understand some things about him. Plus his heart was occupied by feelings for someone else. “I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. Besides, you should give just one person a Valentine’s and this is your first one here.”

 

“Did someone buy you nice girly underwear and jewelry for your first Valentine’s here?’ He flashed that cat smile at him as he rested the rim of the plate against his stomach.

 

“No, I just got a card from Phil. And can we please not talk about the underwear? It’s going back to the store, alright?”

 

Bucky’s cheeks flushed slightly as he held back a grin. “Actually, I don’t think you can return it after what I did with it.”

 

“What?” Steve asked quickly, unsure what he meant by that but imaging the worst. The only thing that came to mind was Bucky wearing them and that wasn’t going to do. “What do you mean?”

 

“Steve! Bucky! What are you hiding in the corner for?” Sam waved for them to come over, Sharon and Natasha with him as they stood near the punch bowl. Bucky motioned for him to go before they ventured through the crowd to them. Off toward the bar he could see Tony laughing with Rhodey and Pepper. The other Avengers were spread out through the mass of people. Luckily there weren’t very many people at the table with Sam. “Did you guys come as dates?”

 

There was a pause, Bucky staying quiet and not correcting them. What was he supposed to do? Either possibility could send the wrong message, so he just shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets.

 

Sam looked from one to the other before he nodded slowly and pointed at them with his glass. “Ah, so you don’t know. Alright, cool. So some party, right? I heard Cupid is around ‘helping people fall in love’. Have you felt his love arrow pierce you yet?”

 

They all chuckled softly, though Steve had a feeling he was subtly teasing him about the Christmas party. Luckily Bucky never caught any of the jokes, even though some time had passed since the kiss. Tony, unfortunately, didn’t let it die. A few others liked to poke fun now and then when the situation came up. “I’m sure Cupid has other people to focus on.”

 

“Right. Because you two obviously don’t need it.” Sam chuckled softly before he turned to Sharon and talked about weekend plans, clearly missing Steve’s warning glance. Bucky shifted from one foot to the other as he watched everyone joke and laugh. It would take Bucky a little while to get used to strangers, but Steve could tell he was trying to befriend his friends. And the party was just for fun, so he wasn’t going to worry about their teasing or his complicated feelings for Bucky.

 

Suddenly something hard hit him in the butt and it must have gotten Bucky when he yelped and quickly turned back behind them. Clint stood in a toga with a small golden bow and two red sucker tipped arrows in his hand. “Congrats, you’re in love.” He didn’t stick around long enough to get a comeback before he was off and shooting other people on the butt.

 

“He’s been doing that ever since he got here,” Sam mentioned like he had fallen victim to it at some point.

 

“It was the easiest job to get him to do when I said he gets to shoot people,” Natasha joked as she smiled at the man in question taking aim toward Tony. “My man, always up for a reason to be half-naked and using his bow.”

 

“Maybe someone should take that bow and shoot him in the ass. See how he likes it,” Bucky grumbled under his breath as he rubbed his butt after he tossed the sticky arrow.

 

Steve watched his friend, knowing he probably wanted to return to his corner and hiss at everyone who approached him. After Hydra, he knew Bucky didn’t trust people in power. Even Steve felt doubt, so he couldn’t help by telling him they were safe from manipulation. Just that Bucky was safe with him. Nothing would ever hurt Buck again as long as Steve was there. He’d fight everyone in the world to keep harm from him. “Do you want to get some air?” Steve whispered to Bucky as the other two laughed about some incident with Clint and Thor.

 

Bucky took the opportunity quickly as he nodded and snatched a glass of punch before they slipped through the crowd toward the landing dock. The silence was welcoming as they closed the glass door. “Wanting to get me alone? I’m not wearing the underwear, you know.”

 

“You are never going to let that go, are you?” He never should have let Tony get it, or not return it right after.

 

The cat smile spread across Bucky’s face as he leaned against the rail and took a drink, his eyes bright from the indoor glow. “I will. If you do something for me.”

 

“Usually when people say that it’s because the ‘something’ is something I wouldn’t normally do.”

 

“Are you suggesting blackmail?” He chuckled softly as he rested his elbows on the rail and swirled his half empty glass. “Why don’t you ask Sharon out?”

 

It felt very clear why he didn’t, but Bucky seemed determined to push him away. Normally, Steve would not bother, but Bucky never showed him that he didn’t feel the same way. Just that he didn’t think they should be together because he was Captain America. But he if had to choose, he would have picked Bucky over that role any day. He forced a smile as he shoved his hands in his front jean pockets. “Didn’t really feel a connection with her.”

 

A tired sigh escaped Bucky as he leaned his head back in defeat. “Steve…You don’t deserve this. I’m not worth it—”

 

Then something snapped. “Don’t say that, Buck. You are the only one who knows me. You are the only thing I have left from a time when I was truly proud of who I was and what I was doing. Hydra made you do those things and I know you wouldn’t have if you had a say in it. Now, damn it, Bucky, I killed people for Hydra too. I thought I was fighting for freedom, but I was only helping Hydra. I’m not better than you. You are my equal. And if you can’t see that then—” He paused at Bucky’s saddened face that turned away when they made eye contact. He bite back the anger before he exhaled a deep breath. “I love you, Bucky. And if you don’t want to be with me, than say so. Ever since Christmas, I can’t get the kiss out of my head. So tell me. Do you want to just be friends?”

 

Bucky was silent, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth and his blue eyes stared away from him. The glass in his metal hand shook a little, but no words were spoken. As if he didn’t want to tell him he didn’t return the feelings and didn’t wish to hurt him. How hard was it to say yes? He hurt that he was honest with Bucky and he was turned away. Not even with rejection, just…left hanging.

 

“Bucky?”

 

The blue eyes cautiously turned to him as he kept his lip tight in his teeth. A shaky breath escaped him before he slouched his shoulders. “I’m broken, Steve.”

 

“Not to me,” Steve spoke quietly, his heart like a wild fire in his chest as he held his breath.

 

The haunted eyes watched him for a moment before he shook his head. “That’s because you see the Bucky from 1940.”

 

Steve looked the rugged man over, his shoulder-length hair danced calmly in the breeze and his five o’clock shadow started to become a beard. Yet still he did see flashes of Bucky in his uniform whenever he smiled. Despite that, it wasn’t the man back then that he wanted. He could never have that Bucky. Now it wasn’t illegal. Now he could be with him and not fear the outcome. Only one thing kept them apart. “I see Bucky. And I’ll be here when you see me as Steve. Not Captain America.”

 

After a moment of silence, Steve turned to the rail and rested his forearms on it as he watched the traffic below. There were certainly better Valentine’s days but it could have been worse, so he wouldn’t complain. But it was pretty terrible. He would just leave it for now. There was no point in it when the subject obviously hurt both of them. A shuffle came from behind him before something gently pushed against his shoulder. When he looked, Bucky rested his forehead against him, his head hung as his right hand grabbed his wrist gently.

 

Steve didn’t say anything. And Bucky didn’t say anything. There was uncertainty, but Steve just watched his friend quietly as he clung onto him and kept his eyes to the floor.  The day got a little better, but it still wasn’t encouraging. He should have tried to stay just friends. But the thought of having Bucky always seemed to outweigh his decisions. He needed to fix that.

 

“Can we go home?” Bucky whispered as he tilted his head back to look up at him.

 

So he could lock himself in his room and hide from him for the next few days. “Yeah, alright.” They made their way back inside before they stopped at the food table and put the empty glass next to the punch bowl. After a quick wave toward Sam, Steve led Bucky out of the tower to the empty streets. People in restaurants ate candlelight dinners as they laughed about whatever story the other told them. He could hear Bucky’s laugh in the back of his head when he’d share his stories with the Howling Commandos. He didn’t want the old Bucky back. He wanted the happiness that Bucky had to be in him now.

 

When he looked at him, he saw the pain of all the years he spent in Hydra. The torment that still followed him as people judged him for his actions. He wanted a time when he could see Bucky every morning and out of his room. See him dance again and brighten up at how far everything had advanced. He had to be patient, but as long as Bucky was still with him, he could wait.

 

No one spoke on their walk back to the apartment. The lights were off and not any warmer than the cold outside. Steve reached to flick the switch before a gloved hand caught his palm. “Steve? What do you want for Valentine’s Day?”

 

He paused, not sure what to say before he slipped his fingers between his friend’s and felt the grip fit perfect with his. With his other hand, he pushed the door closed and cut off all the lights. “Dance with me.”

 

“You don’t know how to dance,” Bucky teased as he backed them away from the door to the living room. Their bodies against each other as they rested their free hands on each other’s sides.

 

Steve moved their locked hands to his chest, safe over his quickening heart. “Maybe it will come naturally with you.”

 

“If you are going to be cheesy, you should bring chips.”

 

“This isn’t cheesy. You’ll know when I’m cheesy.” He smiled against Bucky’s cheek as they slowly turned in the dark room.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah. When you realize it, it will be too late to make smart-ass remarks.”

 

Bucky laughed into his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around his torso and he gripped him tightly.

 

It wasn’t a perfect situation, but damned if it wasn’t a perfect moment.

 

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice was soft as he slid his hand down to his lower back. “You still have the arrow on your ass.”

 

“What?” Steve reached around to feel the long arrow still miraculously on his butt. Well, that killed the moment. After a few tugs, it only pulled his jeans with it.

 

Damn Clint.

 


	4. May luck point to Bucky

After Valentine’s Day, Steve had felt some relaxation around Bucky. Though the days that followed that night were quiet. They didn’t speak about it and he couldn’t handle it if it was Christmas all over again. To be so close to being more than friends only to slide back into what they always have been. Steve sat at the table with his breakfast when he received a text from Tony. Avenger business? Perhaps there was a meeting or suspicious activity happening that he was needed to look at.

 

Nope. Tony’s beer bash. Damn, it was St. Patrick’s Day already? He looked at the calendar and saw the days exed out up to the 17th. He didn’t get any pleasure from the night of drinking green beer and having to wear a piece of the theme or getting pinched. And being the designated driver for them wasn’t exactly a dream. He put the phone back down and poked his eggs. Tony called it an Avenger’s thing, but it was really a Tony thing. Surely Bruce would be able to drive for them since he kept away from the alcohol.

 

Bucky stumbled into the kitchen with his hair everywhere as he lazily felt his way to the coffee pot. Only in fitted red, white and blue underwear and a snug black shirt. He must have really been tired if he didn’t bother to put pants on. “Morning.” Steve watched him over the rim of his glass as Bucky grunted a hello back while he poured the black liquid in his novelty gun mug. It was odd to see him up in the morning at all. He was up when he got back from his morning run, but thanks to the rain he got to witness the morning rituals of Bucky Barnes.

 

Face scruff thick, hair in twister condition and unmatched socks suggested he needed coffee before he could function in the mornings. He pushed away from the counter to sit next to Steve at the table as he shielded his eyes and sipped his hot beverage from a straw. Where did that come from? Steve looked around the room for wherever he stashed straws when Bucky’s tired voice drew his attention back. “Thought you ran in the mornings.”

 

“Didn’t want to get wet.” He looked his friend over but paused when a small symbol of his shield on Bucky’s underwear stopped his examination.

 

“It’s raining? Huh. What are you looking at?”

 

Steve quickly looked at his face before his friend could see where he stared and not get the wrong idea. “How did you sleep?”

 

“Fine…” The blue eyes watched him before he stirred his drink. “I got a text from Stark inviting me to a ‘beer bash’. What the hell is that?”

 

“An excuse to get drunk.” Steve leaned back in his seat as he finished off his orange juice. “He actually invited you to go?”

 

He shrugged before he took a sip from his straw and shifted as if he were uncomfortable. Then he turned his gaze to him and flashed his cat grin. “What should I know about it?”

 

“You have to wear something St. Patrick’s Day themed or everyone will pinch you. They also get shitfaced and try to lift Thor’s hammer, no matter how many times they fail and pass out so you have to take them to their houses and carry them to their rooms.” That was fun the first time, but after that it got annoying. “Are you planning on going?”

 

He shrugged as he took another sip and twirled the straw. His eyes focused on the pepper shaker on the table before he looked at him. “I know I should get out more. I’m trying to get better. But I don’t know if I can handle being around those people without you.”

 

“Well, we can find our own way to celebrate.” Spending a night in with Bucky was better than trying to get alone time with him while the gang drank heavily. All he needed to do was get a couple St. Patty’s day themed things for them to drink and eat and they were set. It wasn’t really a holiday that required a lot. He looked at his watch to see it was a bit early to be planning for anything, so he’d wait until it cleared up before he went out.

 

“So no Stark party?”

 

“No. We have to pay for our own food.” Steve teased as he leaned on the table and ran his fingertip along the rim of his empty glass. “I’m glad, to be honest. I would like to show you a normal holiday celebration. Done with people who don’t really have the money to go big and extreme.” The thought of actually doing something with Bucky sent a smile to his face. Though __this__  holiday didn’t really give a lot of special stuff for them to do together.

 

“I have a feeling they would try to dress me like a leprechaun anyway. They have a costume fetish or something.” Bucky finished his coffee and seemed to perk up slightly. Then he brought himself a refill. And then another. And then another. Steve watched as it took five cups of black coffee to wake him. Part one of the Bucky Barnes morning ritual. Then with a scratch to the thigh, dangerously close to no-man’s-land, Bucky rinsed out his mug before he made his way to his bedroom. Steve tried to not be noticeable as he followed to the kitchen doorframe and watched as clothes went flying from Bucky’s room into the bathroom.

 

Part two must have been a shower.

 

A flash of Bucky’s bare body crossed the hall into the bathroom before the door was closed. Part of part two was a naked Bucky, apparently.

 

Chores. Steve needed to do chores. After he gathered up the clothes he shoved them in the washer, almost forgetting the detergent. Bucky undressed with a heavenly sculpted body repeated in Steve’s head as he tried to think of a million things to say to his friend. The days after Valentine’s Day were a mixture of perfection and agony. How did someone tell their friend they loved them? Didn’t he already? It felt like he did, but maybe Bucky didn’t pick it up. Nothing was more tempting than going into the shower and kissing him right then. But images of Bucky scared and confused always played through his head.

 

If Bucky ran, it would be a nightmare to find him again. He would just keep what he was doing until Bucky told him to stop or he went mad. Whatever came first.

 

“The hot water isn’t working.”

 

Steve turned to a shivering and soaking wet Bucky. His hair stuck to the sides of his face as the tips dripped water. The only thing that covered him was a towel threatening to come undone from around his waist. “Shit, Bucky. I’m sorry. I’ll get that fixed. Come on.” He led him back into the bathroom and searched through the stack of clothes to find his underwear. “Here. Let’s get you dressed.”

 

Bucky shook his head as he cradled himself and watched. “I need to be dried first.”

 

“Right, yeah. Probably best.”

 

“You do it.”

 

Steve’s heart stopped. That meant touching Bucky in… _ _places__. His hands trembled as he grabbed a spare towel from the shelf and started to work on his hair. Bucky never broke eye contact with him and it almost sounded like music played as he gently patted dry his face. His lips pouted as he brushed the soft fabric across his chin. They looked so inviting and the moment was almost as perfect as having a mistletoe over them.

 

Now or never, Steve. Now or never. He leaned down. Bucky spoke. “Are you going to get that?”

 

“Get what?” Steve pulled back and heard the music that he swore came from nowhere. It was his phone. He pulled it from his pocket and saw Natasha’s name beaming at him like a major ‘don’t’ sign. She wasn’t part of the Beer Bash, so it may have been important. He surrendered the towel to Bucky before he left to the hallway. Trying not to show his annoyance at the timing, he answered, “Yeah?”

 

“You busy? I need you at the base real quick.” Natasha was her usual happy self, which meant it wasn’t too serious.

 

He looked back at the door and imagined Bucky drying himself solemnly. Damn. “Can this wait?”

 

“You have your junk in something?” A pop came from her line, sounding like gum.

 

“No.” He just wanted a damn kiss from Bucky. Was that so much to ask? “Is that the only way to postpone it?’

 

“Don’t get any ideas, Rogers. Come to the base.”

 

Perhaps the moment could continue when he returned. If the feeling was there it could be there again. Hanging up, he walked back to the doorway and saw Bucky was already in his pants as he worked on drying his chest. “I’m needed at base. I’ll be back.”

 

“Okay.” He didn’t even look at him. Blue eyes focused on the metal arm that was carefully rubbed with the towel. Distracted too. Maybe the moment wouldn’t be there when he got back. Why did it have to be now? World disaster better have been waiting for him at the base.

 

 

 

“A parade?”

 

Natasha looked over at Steve as she licked green icing off her finger. “Yeah. But since you weren’t there, I’m going to assume you didn’t get my message. You know they had to send a stand-in for you. And you weren’t even doing anything.” A laugh escaped her as she rearranged naked men-shaped cookies. “They weren’t happy when I got the call.”

 

“I’ll be in the next parade. I honestly thought being put on display for show ended a long time ago.” At least the old uniform was long gone. No way was he going to put on tights and short-shorts again.

 

“Don’t want to ride behind Snoopy?” she joked as she gave a cookie a pair of green pants. “Tony didn’t pass up a chance to flaunt himself. What else can you really do during daylight on St. Patrick’s Day?”

 

Clint’s voice suddenly broke into the conversation as Steve felt a sharp, small pinch at his arm. “Not wearing green.” The archer moved away quickly to put his hands on Nat’s hips, his voice like a naughty child. “You’re not wearing green either, Nat.”

 

“Yeah, I am.” Her voice was hint enough.

 

Clint pulled the back of her pants open enough to peek before he mouthed ‘whoa’ and let go. “You’re good, babe.”

 

“Didn’t think underwear counted.” Steve crossed his arms and leaned against the island. Having to wear green or getting pinched sounded so childish.

 

Clint turned his eyes from Natasha’s shoulder to look at him with a half-smile. “It does when I get to see it later.” Then he perked up as he squeezed Nat around the waist. “Going to take Bucky to Tony’s Beer Bash?”

 

“No. We’re staying home this year.” Awkwardly, maybe, after the bathroom. But he almost didn’t want to make plans since Bucky’s had a tendency to change them. “Maybe.”

 

The two looked at each other like they knew something before their eyes turned back to Steve. Natasha gave a smile as she swatted Clint’s hands from a rack of cooling cookies. “Well, it’s okay to not have plans. Can always wing it. Watch some TV. I think they are airing The Leprechaun if you want to show Bucky a classic.”

 

A horror movie wasn’t exactly a good mood starter. “I’ll think of something. Well, I better get back. Sorry for missing the parade.”

 

“I’m going to make sure you make the next one, you know. Here, take a Leprechaun with you.” Natasha held out a cookie with a smile before she turned back to her work once Steve took the offering. He looked down at the smiling little green-clad man and didn’t really know where to begin to eat it. He’d save it for Bucky. He stuck the food in his shirt pocket before he went out to his bike. It wasn’t too far of a drive back to the apartment, but it felt like hundreds of miles as he had to think of what to say to Bucky. Did his friend care for him? He wasn’t the type to play games, but he’d act as if he wanted what Steve wanted then he’d change the next day or just moments later.

 

He looked up at the building and was surprised to see Bucky watching him from the window. It was an improvement from his lying about the couch all day routine. Perhaps he was getting better. Bucky liked people, at least at one point. Perhaps when he started to trust himself, the two of them could go out and so some of the things Bucky used to love.

 

Like dancing. Bucky used to love that. Perhaps he still did. The Valentine’s Day one they danced together seemed to make his friend smile again. He’d fix it all. Somehow.

 

Once he headed inside the building he wondered if he’d find Bucky sprawled out on the couch with a remote in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. It was a good thing he had an active lifestyle when he felt like having one or Steve would be rolling Bucky around the place. He opened the door and found the brunette still at the window. The curtains held between his metal fingers before he drew them closed and looked at him. He was mellow, like usual. Steve didn’t expect him to rush into his arms and bring back the moment they had in the bathroom.

 

“You were on the TV.” Bucky smiled slightly before he turned back to their sofa. “Not you-you, apparently. Captain America. Own float and everything. Seemed kind of weird to have you in there with all the creepy Leprechaun floats.” He chuckled slightly as he sat down and snuggled into the seat. Steve made his way to join him and tried not to sit too close, but ended up fairly against him. “Going to introduce me to your friend?” Bucky spoke with a laugh.

 

“What friend?”

 

“Your wingman.” His metal fingers pointed to Steve’s chest and he looked to see the cookie man still in one piece.

 

Steve took him out and looked the treat over before he looked at Bucky, seeing him eye the thing like he hadn’t eaten all day.

 

Bucky liked sweets. Like, really liked them. And it was safe to assume that whatever he named the cookie wasn’t going to save it. “Douglas.”

 

“Douglas? Really? Okay. I was expecting something…more Irish, but whatever. Can I have him?”

 

He handed Douglas over to meet his demise and smiled as Bucky nibbled on its foot. Then he inhaled it and turned to him with lust for more. “Did he have a friend?”

 

“Not with me.” Steve rested his head back and closes his eyes, a smile soon spreading across his face. “I have some crumbs in my pocket. Why don’t you vacuum it out?”

 

“Don’t tempt me. So what was the important thing you had to take care of?”

 

He grunted, reminded that the conversation could have waited to happen. He may have finally kissed Bucky if it wasn’t for that call. Or maybe Bucky was grateful for the call. It was hard to say. “Nat just wanted to talk about the parade I missed. Wasn’t as important as she made me think.”

 

“She likes doing that. So what is the plan for today?”

 

What was their plan? It was hard to really think of something that was themed for the day. Nothing besides drinking green beer. Maybe Bucky would get a kick out of that. And he could experience whatever Tony did for the Beer Bash, only at home and without so many beers. “I’ll run to the store real quick and we can celebrate the holiday. Need anything while I’m out?” He managed to push himself off the couch and went to the door.

 

“Can you get some peaches? I want that. If you come back with anything else I’m kicking your butt.”

 

“Alright. I’ll also come back with more filling food.” Because he knew fruit wasn’t going to fill Bucky up. Once Bucky was out of Hydra, he started to beef up and enjoy all kinds of food. Even weird mixtures of foods like pickles and ice cream. He’d never tell his friend it was disgusting, mostly because the look he gave Steve when he bit into the chocolate covered pickle told him that Bucky already knew it.

 

 

Once Steve had gotten the beer and green food coloring, he got a bag full of peaches and other fruits that Bucky seemed to like. Then he got to the frozen aisle to get whatever quick, could look romantic in a jiffy dinners when he saw a frozen key lime pie. Well, he liked pie and it was green, so that worked. He got that too, ignoring the price for it as it was a special occasion and got a couple boxes of frozen dinners and went out to the check-out. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a green top hat and red beard laying on the cooler for the drinks and decided to snatch that just because he wanted Bucky to have some kind of attire for it.

 

He paid for it all, somehow managed to find a place for it all on his motorcycle and got back to the apartment. Bucky was on the couch and looked at him with interest when Steve walked through the door. “Got my peaches?”

 

“Yeah. But you know you can’t fill up on that. I’m going to make dinner in a few hours.” He tossed a peach at him as he headed for the kitchen. He hid the pie first because he knew Bucky would want it now if he didn’t and then he put up the dinners. The fruit went in the suddenly empty fruit bowl until all that was left was the funny hat and beard.

 

“What the hell is that?” Bucky stood at the doorway with a big bite taken out of his fruit. He pulled back his head when Steve held it up but then he approached and snatched it. “It’s almost a fetish.” Then he popped it on his head and adjusted the beard before he flashed his cat smile. “Would you like to see my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?”

 

Despite the fact he looked ridiculous, he looked oddly cute. Steve felt himself smile though he tried to fight it. “All right.”

 

“Too bad. What all did you get at the store? You said you were getting food.” Bucky eyed him before he checked the fridge. “Mmmm…nothing new.” Then before Steve could stop him he opened the freezer and his eyes would have turned into cartoon stars if they could. “What is this?”

 

Steve’s shoulders slumped as Bucky pulled the pie box out. He looked it over before he turned to him with puppy eyes. Steve had to be firm. “No.”

 

“When?”

 

“After supper.” Steve took the box out of his tightly gripped hands and put it back in the freezer.

 

“When’s supper?”

 

He shouldn’t have gotten that pie. “At five. The same as always.”

 

Bucky looked at the clock on the stove and sighed. “That is hours away.”

 

“The longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss as they say. Come on, I want you to have fun. Let’s watch some movies. That will keep you distracted enough.” As he led Bucky back into the living room he heard his friend mumble ‘no it won’t’ as he followed.  They sat down on the couch and watched a lot of movies that weren’t even themed but they had romance and that might have led to a mood. Maybe.

 

Though Bucky just stared at the screen with half interest, he did smile at some of the jokes, so Steve knew he was at least enjoying himself. Though on occasion he’d see his friend look at the clock and sigh as he sunk more and more into the couch. By the time the third movie rolled to a finish, Bucky was half-way off the couch and hugging a pillow. Then he perked up and started to poke Steve’s arm. “Pie. Pie, Steve. I want pie. Make supper so I can have pie.”

 

“All right, Buck.” He lost to pie. Really, if there was only one slot in Bucky’s heart, everything would probably lose to pie. He pushed himself up and headed into the kitchen to heat up their dinners.  Taking out two plates, Steve decided to go for the home cooked look and scoop out everything on he dishes to look a little more romantic. Then he took the beer and put a few drops of coloring in it before he took the pie out to soften. Then he moved over and leaned in the doorway. “Coming?”

 

Bucky stood near the TV flipping through channels with his brows curved in. “Yeah, just a sec…”

 

Then his phone rang. He sighed and looked at it. Tony. Last chance to go to the bash, he guessed. He ignored it and moved to the table when Bucky came in to join him. The volume on the TV was high enough to hear it. Bucky liked watching the news. Helped him catch up to their current time. They were talking about the parade and celebrity break-ups.

 

“Why do you think so many people break-up now?” Bucky poked his mashed potatoes.

 

“Not sure. I guess because they fall out of love.” Steve took a drink and was very disappointed at the lack of flavor. Good flavor, anyway.

 

“Makes you wonder how you know when you’ll stay in love forever. Would be bad if you tried and then failed that person romantically and then could never be friends with them afterward.” He looked at Steve before he took a bite of corn. “Why are you still single?”

 

He paused for a moment, knowing that whatever he said would be important to Bucky. Then he gave his best smile. “You tell me? Why are you single?”

 

“My mind is a mess. How can I expect to love someone like how they deserve when I can’t even love myself?” Then he pulled the beard back around to his face and tilted the hat. “But not really being happy, am I? Whoo-he. Leprechauns and all that shit.”

 

“Buck…” It was hard to think that Bucky didn’t see himself in a good light. He was forced to do those things, it wasn’t really him. “I don’t see a monster when I look at you. And maybe someday you’ll see what I see.”

 

“What if someday you see what I see? How do I know the man I was then hasn’t blinded your judgment?” Bucky looked at him with lost eyes. Steve could see his pain and he didn’t know how to ease it. How to let him know he saw the real him. No matter how many times Steve told him he didn’t see ’40s Bucky, his friend doubted him.

 

He gave the best smile he could before he looked down at his still full plate. “I’ve told you what you are to me. If you doubt it then there isn’t any more I can do. You have to believe in yourself before you’ll believe me.”

 

Bucky nodded and left it at that. Steve knew he would never understand how Bucky felt. But he wanted to. They ate the rest of their dinner in silence before Bucky retreated into the living room to watch the evening news while Steve washed the plates and got a knife ready for the pie.

 

“Steve…” Bucky’s voice told him it was trouble and just then his phone blared out its ring tone and showed him Tony was calling. Giving in, he finally decided to answer it on his way to the living room.

 

“What is it, Tony?”

 

“First off, don’t turn on the TV, it looks way worse than it is,” Tony said in a partial slur as his drunken chuckle slipped through.

 

Once Steve reached Bucky’s side, he saw footage of the Hulk busting his way through the city. While some saw it as a tribute to the green holiday, others didn’t find it so funny. “What happened?” He growled as he walked to his room to get his suit and shield.

 

“I don’t remember, but I’m pretty sure I was only 99% responsible.”

 

Figured it was Tony’s fault. He hung up, knowing he didn’t need anymore intel out of him. The one year he didn’t go and that shit happened. Once he got into his uniform, he headed out of his room to leave when he found Bucky dressed up to fight as well. “You don’t have to be a part of this, Buck.”

 

“It’s a self invite. Stark wanted to see if I could arm wrestle the Hulk with my left arm. The real question is if I can punch through Stark’s thick head with it.” He gave his cat smile before he put a gun in its holster.

 

Steve wasn’t about to deny him from coming, but he didn’t know exactly how he was going to calm down the Hulk. A part of him said to contain the big man and the person who started it and let it be Tony’s problem. “Alright. Just remember bullets anger him. We have to be calm or we’re in big trouble.”

 

“Didn’t even cross my mind, Cap. This is for Stark.” He tapped the handle of his handgun before he followed out. The neighbors gave them funny looks, but he didn’t stop to explain. If they turned on their TVs, they’d know.

 

Once they reached downtown, they found Tony, Clint, Rhodey and Thor trying to contain him. They were all a bit drunk, even the Hulk, who seemed to stumble around and roar at the others. Right. So…calming him. He walked with Bucky to the brawl and shielded himself from Clint’s bouncing arrow before he motioned for civilians to evacuate. “All right, everyone. Back. Get home before someone gets hurt.”

 

“Whoa! That guy is taming the Hulk!” one young man shouted out as he pulled out his phone. Steve looked back and paused at the Hulk knelt down with Bucky in front of him. Everyone just stared dumbfounded and awed as Buck put his right hand on the big man’s shoulder. Then he placed his metal one in the giant outstretched hand. Steve couldn’t see what Bucky did exactly, but whatever it was it caused the Hulk to stumble off and turn back into Bruce. Unfortunately he didn’t have any clothes on.

 

Clint put his jacket over the groaning doctor as they all gathered around him. “Did I hurt anyone?”

 

“No, just scared the hell out of our waiter.” Tony bit back a smile as he patted Bruce’s shoulder.

 

“Sorry.” Bruce looked himself over, his face sheepish. “I wasn’t expecting a code green.” Then he looked at the snickering Tony. “Maybe I should have.”

 

Tony turned to Steve as he recovered from his laughter, looking fairly proud of his night thus far. “Well now that you’re here. Going to join our beer bash?”

 

“I think your beer bash is over. I’m calling the girls.” Steve looked at everyone before his eyes caught Bucky in the background trying to calm down panicked civilians. “Besides, I have a pie at home with Bucky’s name on it. Maybe next year.” Before he could even dial a number, Pepper stormed out of the crowd with Natasha. “Well, it looks like your rides are here. I’ll see you at base tomorrow.” Steve gave Tony a half smile, knowing he was going to get what he deserved before he walked back to Bucky.

 

“That was quick and easy.” Bucky didn’t even seem to notice the stares people gave him before he put his hands on his hips. “We done here?”

 

“Yeah, we’re done. Ready for home?” He waited for the nod from his friend before he led him away from police and reporters. It was hard to believe the man who thought himself a monster was the one who calmed Bruce without even blinking. Also he seemed unaware of the effect his actions caused. Everyone watched him. He was the man who walked up to the Hulk and turned him back into a man. Maybe there was a reason Bucky didn’t dwell on it. Steve decided to keep it to himself, but would probably always remember the image.

 

It wasn’t a long ride back to the apartment. The living room was welcomed once they stepped into it. He took his helmet off and tossed the shield to the side before he walked into kitchen to get the pie and a fork. Forget plates and slices. He just walked to the couch and set the food in Bucky’s lap and stuck a fork in the middle of the tray. “Dig in.”

 

There was no hesitation or questions. He took a big fork full and stuffed in it his mouth before letting out a pleased moan and slid down on the couch. It was nice to see him happy and enjoy himself and though it didn’t feel like they did a lot, he was happy the incident was over. It could have ended a hundred ways differently.  But thanks to Bucky, it only ended one way. Even if he never accepted his feelings and they never became romantically involved, he would still have Buck as his friend. And he would find joy in that. Take care of him until he healed.

 

And if he loved him in return afterward than they’d become more. But if recovery led him away from Steve, he had to accept that.

 

“Alright, you can have a bite too. No reason to look sad.” Bucky offered a small piece of the pie on his fork with his cat smile.

 

Apparently he looked sad, but for pie he wasn’t going to say it wasn’t for that. He ate it and could see why Bucky enjoyed it. He’d get occasional bites from the pie, but for the most part Bucky ate it.

 

Bucky always looked amazing when he was comfortable. And on that night, while they sat in their uniforms and watched old TV shows, Bucky was breathtaking.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter is short because I decided to wait until late Christmas eve to write this and wanted to get it up in time. Next chapter will be longer.  
> 


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